Robbie's Filk Page

From time to time I get inspired to write, or play, or just collect songs of various types.  Most of them are Filk Songs, but at least one is my brave rendition of a song I just happen to like.

New Stuff:
9-Aug-2002 New entries in the links section ... there is now a Australian Filk mailing list!
2-Aug-2002 "I'm a Believer (In ASIM)"  ... new filk, with MP3!! About Andromeda Spaceways   -- which is another thing I'm excited about....

The nice people at Cumulo-Nimbus have very kindly agreed to host my MP3 files, as my main server makes determined attempts to mangle them ... thus, you do not now need to jump through hoops to listen. (since fixed, but they are still nice people)

Johnny Werewolf

Incidentally: Buy my book!

Johnny Phillips, Werewolf Detective 
The Collected Case Files

Only AUD$15! You know you want to....

List so far:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Andromeda Spaceways


  • Howard's Eyebrows
  • Oh GST, Oh GST
  • Megaman

  • Robot Man
  • Quick Man
  • Miscellaneous

    Back to Home Page
    Buffy Episodes

    * = not written by me..
    = Has MP3 file ... all me singing!!!  All fairly low res, so don't panic.


    by Robbie Matthews Copyright 2000
    with assistance from Stephanie and Nick Matthews, and Rod Kearins
    (to the tune of Y.M.C.A)

    Young man, though you're new to our town
    You have noticed, that there are monsters around.
    Don't Panic! There is no need to fear.
    Because Buf-fy Sum-mers lives here.

    In every, generation is one
    The slayer,Who'll put the vamps on the run.
    She'll slay them - she's the one you can trust
    It won't be long 'til they're all dust.

    You can rely on her - B.T.V.S.
    You can depend on her - B.T.V.S.
    She's cute and she's smart -
    She's strong and she's brave
    She'll be there as they rise from the grave.
    Let's hear it for her - B.T.V.S.
    Let's cheer for Buffy - B.T.V.S.
    She's got a sharp pointy stake
    Evil demons beware!
    She'll slay them with grace and flair.

    New vamp, are you listening to me?
    This is not the, place that you ought to be.
    If you stay here, it will be a mistake.
    And it'll be the last one you make.

    She'll slay you,
    Yes she'll give you the flick.
    And she'll finish, With her spinning high kick.
    You may struggle, just as hard as you can
    You'll still end up in a dustpan....


    No slayer, does it all by herself.
    There are others, who look out for her health.
    Her gang is, always there to help out.
    And they'll be there for the last bout.

    Willow, she's a red-headed witch.
    Xander, who is brave but not rich.
    Giles, is the one in the know...
    But now Angel has his own show.


    B.T.V.S - Let's hear if for her - B.T.V.S.
    Young man, young man, forget all your fear.
    Young man, young man, Buffy Summers lives here.
    B.T.V.S - Let's have a cheer for her - B.T.V.S.
    New vamp, new vamp, stay away from our town.
    New vamp, new vamp, or you will soon be down.
    B.T.V.S - I really love her, she is - B.T.V.S.
    Buffy, Buffy, why don't you come with me?
    Buffy, Buffy, we'll be happy you'll see!
    (repeat and fade)

    Sunnydale Summer

    by Robbie, Dea and Nick Matthews MP3 <--- Me bravely singing my creation.
    Copyright 2000
    (more or less to the tune of "Pleasant Valley Sunday", the Monkees)

    Look at the mayor, he's such a square
    You wouldn't think he was so bad.
    He gathers power by the hour...
    You don't want to make him mad.

    Another Sunnydale Summer.
    Vampires crawling all around.
    I wish that they would all just go a-way
    Because their fangs are going to really get me down.

    Laconic Oz is sad because
    Soon he'll be howling at the moon.
    And Mr Giles consults his files
    Cause the ascension's coming soon.

    Another Sunnydale summer.
    And it's time to make a stand.
    Come on Xander, pass that stake right here.
    Cause the vampires are getting out of hand.

    If only mum would see...
    This is no place to be...
    When Graduation day is near.
    You really need to go
    So I don't act too slow
    When there are demon's coming here....

    Anya's a demon, so it's seemin'
    Until someone crushed her jewel.
    And then there's Spike, you have to like,
    Although he's vicious and he's cruel.

    Another Sunnydale Summer.
    Another ghost, another ghoul.
    You'd think that they could go and leave me be..
    All I'm trying to do is graduate from school.

    Another Sunnydale Summer..... (repeat and fade)

    Sunnydale Town

    by Nick & Robbie Matthews
    Copyright 2000
    (To the tune of "Sesame Street")
    MP3 (as sung by Stephanie Matthews (age 10) Backing vocals Nick & Robbie)

    Sunny Day
    Keeping the Vamps at bay
    Then nighttime falls
    And it all goes down...

    Can you tell me how to get...
    Get away from Sunnydale Town?
    Get away from Sunnydale Town?

    (Repeat and Fade)

    Buffonian Rhapsody

     by Bernie the Buffonian
    Copyright 1999
    (To the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody")

    Dedicated to the lovely Sarah Michelle Gellar and the late great Mr Freddie Mercury.

    This is a weird life
     It's my reality
     Slaughtering vampires
     For the sake of humanity
     Somebody dies, a vampire will rise, you'll see........
     Merrick first told me this was my destiny. He said:

     "Chosen One, play your part.
     Knock 'em down. Stake the heart.
     Any way you slay them doesn't really matter to me......Buffy."

     Xander, just slain a vamp
     Put a stake into his chest
     Now he's dusted like the rest
     Xander, we were having fun
     But now I've gotta go out on the slay.
     Xander, ooh...ooh
     I'm the Chosen One
     If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, while I'm gone And
     pretend your name is Nighthawk.

     Tonight, the end will come
     The Codex never lies, says tonight I'm gonna die
     Goodbye to you, Willow
     I've got to go
     Why did Giles and Angel try to hide the truth?
     Xander, ooh...ooh
     I don't wanna die
     I sometimes wish I wasn't the Slayer at all!

     Angel's been knockin' off Drusilla on the side
     Scary moose! Scary moose! Better watch where her fangs go...
     Don't let any light in. Careful where you're biting me!
     Cordelia! (Cordelia...)
     Cordelia! (Cordelia...)
     This is Angel, say hello
     (She wants him so, oh no, oh no...)

     I'm just a good vampire, Buffy loves me
     (Sure you're a good vamp, killed your own family
     Brings a new meaning to "Mum's here for tea")
     That was fun. Didn't know
     That I'd get a soul.

     Drusilla! No!  Please let our Xander go
     Let him go, Drusilla!
     Oh do let Xander go
     Let him go, Drusilla!
     (I will not let him go)
     Let him go!
     (Want to bite him though)
     Never never ever let him go, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, d'oh!

     Oh Cordelia, Cordelia
     Cordy please let Angel go
     Cordelia, will you leave the guy alone now please?
     Now, please?
     Now, please!

     So you thought the Anointed would lead me to hell?
     So I'm dead? Well I'm back and I'm pretty as well!
     Hey, Master!
     I'll destroy you, ya bastard!
     You ruined my dress
     I'm whippin' your ass now, oh yeah....

     Ooh yeah, ooh yeah.....

     Vampires, ghosts and demons
     Monsters from the sea
     Nothing stops the Slayer
     Nothing ever stops our Buffy.

     Oz is in the Dingoes.......!

    Behind Blue Eyes

    by Pete Townshend -- originally performed by The Who.
    Copyright 1971

    This really can't be called a filk, because it is a commercial song performed by the Who and released on their "Who's Next" album in 1971.  However, late in Season 4 of Buffy, Giles does a very nice acoustic version of it -- and I was inspired.

     Download (MP3 -- 467Kb)

    No one knows what it's like
    To be the bad man
    To be the sad man
    Behind blue eyes

    No one knows what it's like
    To be hated
    To be fated
    To telling only lies

    But my dreams, they aren't as empty
    As my conscience seems to be
    I have hours, only lonely
    My love is vengeance
    That's never free

    No one knows what it's like
    To feel these feelings
    Like I do
    And I blame you

    No one bites back as hard
    On their anger
    None of my pain and woe
    Can show through


    When my fist clenches, crack it open
    Before I use it and lose my cool
    When I smile, tell me some bad news
    Before I laugh and act like a fool

    And if I swallow anything evil
    Put your finger down my throat
    And if I shiver, please give me a blanket
    Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

    No one knows what it's like
    To be the bad man
    To be the sad man
    Behind blue eyes

    I'm a Believer (in ASIM...) Download

    Lyrics: Edwina Harvey
    To the Tune of:  "I'm a Believer"

    G                      D    C       G
    I thought pulps could only work in golden years,
    G                    D        C       G
    Meant for die hard fans, but not for me.
     C              G         C                 G      C
    ASIM was out to get me, that's the way it seemed,
    Andromeda Spaceways haunted all my dreams.
          D            G C G
    CHORUS: Then I saw a page,
                 C        G C G
            Now I'm a believer
             C       G C G
            Not a trace,
                 C           G  C  G
            of doubt in my mind
            I'm on board,  (oo-oo)
            And I'm a believer
                        F                D
            I couldn't leave here if I tried.

    G                      D      C       G
    I thought pulps were more or less a give-in thing.
    G                 D         C       G
    Subs, the more I gave, the less I got.
    C                   G         C             G      C
    What's the use in throwing money down the drain
    When I needed publishing I got framed.

               D            G C G
    CHORUS: Then I saw a page,
             C              G C G
            Now I'm a sub-editor
              C       G C G
            Not a single,
              C         G  C  G
            Scruple or care
            I sell ASIM,  (oo-oo)
            And I'm a sub-editor
                        F                D
            And you can get-it-here if you dare.

    Oh GST

    by Robbie Matthews
    Copyright 2000
    (To the Tune of "Oh Chistmas Tree (Tannenbaum)")

    I can't afford a Christmas Tree
    It costs too much with GST
    Our household budget's sinking fast...
    How much longer can we last?
    So fill in forms, add ten percent,
    And give up fun, and give up rent.
    We'll wait until the food cools down
    It costs much less that way around.

    Oh GST, Oh GST
    You are the only tax for me.
    We're getting much more for the price ...
    If you don't count the beer excise.
    Now Howard has just what he wants
    A tax on everything at once.
    The paperwork is so much fun...
    I just can't stop once I've begun.

    I used to buy my children toys,
    To add to all our Christmas joys.
    But now we have no money left,
    I guess we'll just resort to theft.
    But who needs a Christmas Tree?
    We;re happy with our GST.
    We can stay all cosy warm...
    By burning all our new tax forms.

    Oh GST, Oh GST...
    You are the only tax for me.

    Howard's Eyebrows

    by Robbie Matthews
    Copyright 2000
    (To the tune of "Clementine")  MP3 (249Kb)

    There was once a man named Howard
    He was short and he was grey.
    He had two enormous eyebrows
    Which have lead us all astray.

    Howard's Eyebrows, Howard's Eyebrows,
    They are bushy, black and dense.
    And they must be what he thinks with...
    Instead of common sense.

    "What we need is a recession,"
    Little Johnny said to me.
    "And the one thing that should cause one,
    Is a lovely GST"

    Howard's Eyebrows, Howard's Eyebrows,
    Well, they're hairy and they're thick.
    You only need to see him,
    To realise that he's a ... Politician.

    Now don't think I hate eyebrows,
    No indeedy, not at all!
    I would love to have his eyebrows
    Mounted neatly on a wall.

    Howard's Eyebrows, Howard's Eyebrows
    Won't you tell us what to do?
    You must be what Howard thinks with...
    Which is why we're in the poo.

    by Robbie & Nick Matthews, Copyright 2000
    To the tune of: Wimoway (The Lion Sleeps Tonight)

    In the loungeroom, the noisy lounge room,
    the student sits tonight.
    He's watching TV, although his thesis,
    is due in tomorrow night.

    It's time to get the thesis in
    It's time to get the thesis in
    Oh it can wait
    Oh it can wait
    ooo-ooo-ooo it's time to procrastinate.
    ooo-ooo-ooo it's time to procrastinate.

    In the office, a deadline looming,
    Programmers earn their pay.
    But before they get down to coding,
    What  e-mail has arrived today?

    The deadline's coming without fail
    But there's still time to check the mail
    The job can wait
    It's not too late
    Procrastinate, procrastinate
    Ooo- etc.

    Here sits the writer who only has
     twelve chapters left to write.
    He's only got a week to finish...
    Time to rebuild his website

    I only need the time to write
    Twelve more chapters overnight
    There's still time to laugh and play
    Just one more day, just one more day
    ooo- etc

    In the bedroom, the sleepy bedroom
    Off goes the alarm,
    "If I sleep in for five more  minutes,
    It won't do any harm."

    It's five-to-eight, It's getting late,
    Get out of bed, You sleepy head,
    It's not a crime, It's not a crime,
    To hit the 'Snooze' just one more time.

    Now the ceiling  has started peeling,
    I guess it's time to paint,
    But don't worry, no need to hurry,
    Right now it's kind of quaint.

    I'm gonna get it done real soon,
    Perhaps before the next blue moon,
    But there are things I have to break,
    Like high scores on both Doom and Quake.

    And here's the filker, the bored stiff filker,
    Why else would he write this song?
    He's getting tired, and he might get fired,
    This filk is just too long.

    I'd better work,  I'd better work,
    No  time to shirk, no time to shirk.
    I can see it's getting late,
    I think I'll just procrasti-

    (this song may never be finished, because the writers have got other
    things they have to do...)

    Robot Man

    (This is a Megaman Mush filk ... are you scared?  I know I am...)

    To the Tune of ‘Particle Man’ by ‘They Might be Giants’
    Written by Nick Matthews

    Pharaoh Man,
    Pharaoh Man,
    Doing the things,
    A Pharaoh can,
    What’s he like?
    He’s too important,
    Pharaoh Man

    Is he a king?
    Or is he much less?
    When he goes and slaughter,
    Does he leave a mess?
    Who the hell, is Pharaoh Man?
    Royalty Man,
    Pharaoh Man

    Fire Man,
    Fire Man,
    Fire Man hates Pharaoh Man,
    They have a fight, Fire wins,
    Fire Man

    <Accordian Solo>

    Guts Man,
    Guts Man,
    He has a damned massive Gut, man.
    Not all that kind,
    To smaller men,
    Guts Man,

    His Super Arm,
    Has a crushing hand,
    A throwing hand,
    And a squishing hand,
    When they meet,
    It’s smooshing land,
    Powerful Man,
    Guts Man

    Metal Man,
    Metal Man,
    Stabbed himself with his weapon hand,
    Slashed himself to E-Ring Land,
    Metal Man

    Is he some junk?
    Beat up by Punk?
    In High
    In High School did he always flunk?
    What’s the use,
    Of Metal Man?
    Weakling man
    Metal Man

    Number Man,
    Number Man,
    Everyone hates Number Man,
    He gets in a fight,
    He never wins,
    Number Man

    <Accordion Solo to the end>

    (This song is about) Quick Man
    To the tune of ‘(This song is) Six Words Long’ by ‘Weird Al Yankovic’
    Written by Nick Matthews

    This song is about Quick Man.


    Kay Shaperos Web Site for the Filky Minded Kay Shapero knows all there is to know about filk.
    Darn Near All the Filk on the Web A jolly large selection of available Filk music...  Interesting discussions ... if you have a working news server.  Grumble.
    Steve Cavanaughs Song Page an Australian Filker
    Eric's Bat Page -- the filk page of Eric the Fruitbat, a Canberra Tasmanian based filker (among many other things...)

    Last Updated 13-Aug-2010